Parent Coaching, Parent Mentoring, Parent Support, Teenagers

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Anxiety, Mental Health, Parent Support, Teenagers

The positive of Covid-19. Are you experiencing it too?

We are in what I hope is the downward trend of this pandemic. Included in the numbers of infected, hospitalized, and dead, are family members of people I love and care about.

Covid-19 has brought many things to all of us; stress, anxiety,uncertain financial status, and massive unemployment. Undeniably this is all awful and people are scared.

However what we never hear about on the news broadcasts are the positive things that have occurred in families, and we aren’t talking about it because we feel guilty that something good is happening to us in the midst of all the uncertainty and sadness.

Covid-19 brought back a simplicity to our lives that many people were desperate for, and yet they had no idea they needed it so badly.

I haven’t been this calm, relaxed, or fulfilled in what seems like forever. You see my life went from what felt like driving a car at 70 mph to a screeching halt of a leisurely Sunday drive in about a minute.

At first it is weird, but now I like it. I am not stressed out that my kids will be brain dead from too many video games; as even they have became bored with them.

Lack of ability to socialize in groups has taught my children the pleasure and serenity of taking a walk, shooting hoops, and even laughing. It has taught my sons that while friends are important, you will always have your brother, and in quarantine that is really important.

We have had more meals as a family this month than we probably had in the last 2 years. A opportunity to connect and relax and laugh together.

My kids are relaxed as well. They don’t seem as stressed as when school is open in its traditional setting. While I am certain they aren’t learning as much as they would in a brick and mortar school, they are learning life skills that have fallen by the wayside because it was just easier to do it myself. Because parenting and teaching takes time and patients, of which many of us had little of driving at 70 mph.

The sunday drive has my kids very interested in what I am making for lunch and dinner because there aren’t many other options. They have even began to do some cooking themselves. And have even started to taste the food they are eating instead of just trying to inhale to get back to whatever they were doing.

I have had the opportunity to model doing hard stuff for my kids, and asked for their help. Yes, one mother and one 16 year old boy can carry a full size refrigerator and oven into the basement. Yes, one mother and one 14 year old boy can assemble 90% of a basketball system themselves. I have had them drilling and sawing, using wheelbarrow, and hedge clippers. I have been organically teach my kids how to make things as they embarked on building garden boxes so we can start our first garden.

They have learned the difference between needs and wants. Needs have us leaving the house, (toilet paper and groceries) and wants have us sticking home.

Tiktok isn’t as interesting to them right now because nobody is really doing anything, it is mostly exercising and dancing up steps. Since no one is out and about my teens are not suffering from FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).

Basically, Covid has forced us to figure out what is important and what’s not. I now know I have enough time in my day for all the important things, and enough energy left over to be the best mom, wife, and friend I can be. If I start piling on all those other things that used to suck up my time and stress me out, I will fail to be the person I desire to be. I only have so much time and energy in one day, and despite my thoughts of being Wonder Woman, I now know I am not.

So Covid-19, you nasty horrible virus, I never would have thought that you were going to teach me anything, and yet I am humbled enough to say you have.

I desperately want the spreading of sickness and death to stop, however I am equally desperate to not lose this feeling of connection, peace, and joy that I have found in a much more simplistic life for my family.

Stay safe.

Anxiety, Parent Support, Teenagers

I know why animals eat their young?

So just like many of you we have been in close quarters these last few weeks and I would say the first 10 days were probably the most difficult as we all tried to find our places.

I went from a parent who allowed my child to act responsibly and independently to a mother who felt compelled to micro-manage all activities including school work, personal hygiene, and meal times.

I officially started the cycle with my behavior change, and in turn my children retaliated with attitude. You all know what I am talking about. And this probably would have continued had we not just a week prior engaged the services of a youth mentor for our son. Little did I know how valuable this was going to be as we headed into the uncharted territory of Covid-19 shut down.

The voice of reason came in the form of extremely knowledgeable, articulate man whom at first glance looked more like a skateboarder/snowboarder dude as he sported long hair and some facial stubble. Clearly he was way too cool for me, but he would be perfect for my skateboarder/snowboarder son.

Christian, mentors young men in the Salt Lake Valley area, and upon our initial meeting he greeted me with a warm smile and projected a sense of energy and optimism that I felt I let wither away in the last few months.

What I wanted to know very simple. How he was going to help?

Christian’s plan was on target with what we were looking for, for our son. We wanted to provide to our son, a person to trust, someone other than us, his parents to confide in, someone to help him tackle some tasks that were overwhelming him, and help him create a vision for his next steps; employment, or additional education beyond high school or both.

It has only been a few weeks and I can already see the sense of relief that has come over my son, and very unexpectedly the same has occurred for me.

I didn’t expect to learn anything from this process other than my son will listen to anyone but me. And even that isn’t correct. My son does hear and even listens to my words. But those words are really hard to hear through the noise of demands and micro-managing.

What is the moral here? Not really sure there is one other than to say, I have benefited from my son having a mentor. It takes some of the stress and panic off of me, and it allows me to be the person and parent I like being. One who is back to allowing my child the room to be independent and make mistakes, with a little safety net that isn’t mom or dad.

So I no longer identify with the need to consume my young, and instead I am extremely content to let my children continue to live and learn and flourish.

Mentorship is an amazing concept that I never considered for my child, even though I have had personal experiences with it. I guess I felt is was a cop-out, as in letting someone else deal with the issues. But that was a false premise on my part. Mentorship for my son has brought a different perspective, that of an adult that is not his parent, and in turn very unexpectedly it has made me a better parent.

Like many things, resources are often limited by location. Utah is the hotbed of mental health resources and mentorship models. I am very blessed that I live in an area where it wasn’t difficult to find what I needed.

But if it doesn’t look that way where you live, don’t give up. Continue to search your area for your Christian or a company similar to his Youth Mentors SLC.

Stay safe. And if you enjoyed this post I ask that you please share it with friends.